This blog will follow my progress as I seek to meet the huge challenge of  losing a great deal of weight.  My ultimate goal is to have gastric bypass surgery, but before I can do that I need to shed about 28 more pounds.  They have some strict requirements for the laproscopic procedure and the rules are pretty clear.
  This whole quest represents a complex set of demands for me that touch on many layers of experience, awareness, and personality.  To have a weight problem as egregious as mine is currently, there have to be some pretty significant underlying issues, and I am determined to plumb the depths of myself to seek them out and do my best to resolve them in a positive and productive way.   I am trying hard to examine my relationship with food, and to alter my behavior in the face of stress and anxiety so that I will no longer turn to food for comfort. 
     I am also tackling these issues in my therapy, and the process is rather like peeling an onion.  The longer is examine my behavior and motivations, the more I come to understand myself and why I act as I do.  Weight has been a difficult issue all my life; I was overweight from a young age and was teased mercilessly my members of my family, who humiliated me on a daily basis and only exacerbated the self-esteem problems I was already coping with.  I will attempt here to unravel the story and find the roots of this complex situation.
     Today:  I'm recovering from my weekly weigh-in yesterday, when I found I'd gained half a pound...very discouraging.  I have to face this next week with renewed resolve, and apply even greater emphasis to my stringent diet.  I also have to increase my use of the exercise machines downstairs, and get my butt moving more.  I am way too sedentary, which only contributes to weight-loss failure.
     I have committed to two social functions which would usually cause me great social anxiety; facing them as overweight as I am will only make the challenge harder.  But I can no longer let my life pass me by while I wait for some arbitrary goal.  I have responded Yes to a Vassar luncheon (hosted by my sister, Kathy), and I've committed to going to our 35th Class Reunion in June.  I know I will struggle through both of these events, but I feel it's important to push myself.  I need to reach out and become a part of the world again, rather than remaining isolated and disconnected from others.   Any weight I can lose before these functioins will be a plus - hopefully I will feel more comfortable moving around and fit into some nicer clothes.