Got weighed yesterday and discovered that I'd gained 7 pounds.  Better than what I expected, but much too much, period.  I had two difficult sessions with Mark and Joe, and wonder if I need to dwell on this one subject for two solid hours twice a week.  I would much rather have one point person for all of my weight issues and might bring that up when I go tomorrow.  Joe suggested that I start to email a Food Diary daily to him and Mark, so I have started to do that.  It feels rather silly, but I am willing to be totally accountable for my diet on a daily basis.  It certainly keeps me focused.

I am getting used to what will be my regimen for a very long time.  I feel very hungry most of the time right now, but maybe that will subside with time.  It feels good to apply discipline to my eating habits and I hope I can remain as motivated as I am at this time.

I've been talking with Shirley at Save A Dog and I am very excited about my opportunities to help out there.  She;s identified something perfect for me that will be a big help to her, and that's writing the descriptions of all of the dogs they feature as available of their web site.  Yea!  That will be a piece of cake for me and apparently save her a chunk of time.  So glad I'm working with them!  I've also been writing letters to my Repersentative opposing the Bill going to the House that would place all Humane Shelters under the wrong administration, so I feel useful there, too.  And, I've been making phone calls to their client list to raise money for PAWS.   There's a lot to do there, and it feels great to do as much as I can in support of such a wonderful organization.

I'm a little worried about seeing Joe tomorrow.  We had a tough and contentious session on Tuesday and I'm feeling very negatively judged by him.  I tried hard to explain why he scares me, and why, as a result, it is sometimes hard to be completely candid with him, but I don't think I helped him understand me at all.  He is stuck on my not being honest with him about my diet over the last few weeks, when I was having so much trouble - and yes, I guess that's true.  But also important to understand is why I felt the need to paint a certain picture for him rather than discussing how much I was struggling.  The truth is that I don't think he is at all empathetic to my situation, and does not validate my battle with food.  It is a vast and deep-seated issue, and we never talk about it,  All we discuss is my failure to lose weight.  We are missing a huge portion of the problem - perhaps the most important of all - and instead I feel repeatedly labeled as a failure and a liar.  I acknowledge that he may not be meaning to send out that message and it is the function of my personal filters, but I feel that way nonetheless.  I don't know how to move past this conflict, and I don't enjoy disliking my time with Joe.  I hate feeling that he opposes me rather than supports me, and I have no idea how to turn that around.  I certainly want to.